This is me...and my blended family...

I wanted to take just a few minutes of your time and introduce myself. 

My name is Barbara Finlinson. My husband, Rust and I, are head of a beautiful blended family. (I don't really care for the term step-family.) I have four children from a previous marriage and he has three. We are a family of two handsome sons and five beautiful daughters. 

Part and parcel with this arrangement come my husband's ex-wife and my ex-husband. I'm a (step)mom and my husband is a (step)dad.

My children have a (step)mother and (step)sisters and we all have our own expectations, emotions, stresses, jealousies, and baggage. 

Both sets of children travel several hours every other weekend to spend time with each different household. This, in and of itself is hectic, expensive, and stressful. But we think that fostering a relationship in both places is very important for our children.

My husband and I went to high school together but did not know each other. We grew up in traditional Mormon families and both were married very young. 

We ended up, after about 15 years, back in the small towns we grew up in at the same time and going through the same things. We feel like Heavenly Father put us into each others path for a reason. We both feel extremely lucky to be here in this situation together. Rust is everything that I have ever looked for in a husband and I feel like, because of the experiences I have had, I can appreciate him in a way that I could not have without those experiences. 

I am eternally grateful for him. He is a rock of support and love.

We are Latter-Day Saints (or Mormons). I have a strong testimony of the gospel. I know that it is true. I also know, that because of my faith and obedience to its teachings I have been blessed in my life, in all ways, and especially through extremely difficult times.

 But church for me has changed since I have been divorced and it changed again when I remarried. 

My husband and I go to church every Sunday and take the children we have that weekend with us. My husband's children, in essence, have two home wards. My children do not attend church with their Father and so only go to church half of the time.

 Both of these situations are difficult in their o wn way. 

Weboth have children that do not live with us. We don't have full control over what they are taught. Family home evening includes less than half of us. Sometimes we have conflicting church activities like Primary Programs, Scout and Young Women's camp. Leaders do not always understand and do not always show compassion. Sometimes the lessons that are taught are painful and confusing for both myself, my husband, and our children. 

Where do we fit in?

A blended family always has different problems than a traditional family. 

Rust and I are forging ahead through unknown territory and often through extremely painful situations. We are doing it together. But I feel alone.

Sometimes I am angry. Why is this my problem? Why did my children have to go through this? Sometimes I am indifferent. 

Sometimes I am so ridiculously happy in my relationship with Rust ......I feel guilty. 

And sometimes I am confident that all of the things that have happened to my children and my husband and I are for our learning and good.

 I do manage to see the silver lining. I'm also humbled by the deep love I have for my husband and know that without these trials I wouldn't have him. This is a double silver lining. So I keep going. I research, I pray, and study the scriptures.....and then I pray again....and again...and sometimes (on a bad day) all day long.

 And of course I wonder.....how will this all work out??

I know there are many stories out there. I know there are many families that deal with the same issues. I want their help. I want a support group. I want the strength that comes in numbers.

This is my hope and prayer for this blog. Could we share our sorrows and pain? Could we share our issues and our solutions? Could we share our joys and successes? And can we share our testimony of the gospel and how our blended families tie into its eternal teachings?

I also hope that this blog can be positive. I know everyone out there has been bitter and angry at an ex or a spouse's ex. There is a real temptation to call names and be spiteful...(I'm laughing while I'm writing this) :-) I hope that as we write our stories and share our issues, we can refrain from doing those things. (No matter how good it would feel at the time.) If you have been there, you know and you know that we know..... And that is precisely why we need each other.

I am, as we speak, on the hunt for people who will share their story. E-mail me if you or someone you know would be willing to contribute. If you have read a great article or have other resources contact me as well. Any small quote, snippet of wisdom, story, or book is happily welcomed.... Anything!! Anything at all!!! :-)

Thanks again,

Barb

barbhasmail@gmail.com