"Forever Family" lost....

Divorced and Mormon. These are not usually words that you hear together and I'm not really sure why. I'd like to quote statistics on Mormons and divorce but I'm unable to find current ones or ones I would trust to be accurate. But just living life in an LDS community, I have become acutely aware that I am surrounded by divorced/blended families. And yet often, I feel alone.

I'm Mormon and I've been divorced.  Am I a failure?

There is not much resource to study here. But this is what I know:

 I am a daughter of God with intrinsic worth. He loves me and knows my heart. 

I am not the heroine spoke of in many stories I've read. She endured decades of abuse, torment, infidelity, addiction, unhappiness, (or insert your problems here) and did so with charity and long suffering until finally one day her husband's heart softened and happiness was found. That's not me.  I could not "stick it out" with my first husband. I don't have a miraculous story to tell. But that's ok. 

I'm not broken and neither is my family.

By no means am I encouraging divorce. If I could talk anyone out of frivolous divorce I would. My advice would be to try. Try like you have never tried before. Shed blood, sweat, and tears. Don't give up! The grass is DEFINITELY NOT greener on the other side.......all the time. Life will not always be easier in a different situation. It is afterall, life, and therefore a test.

But sometimes, it is not necessary or healthy to stay married to a certain person. That is okay too.

If you are divorced, don't despair. Remember there is no hope. Your life is not over. In fact, you can make it infinitely better.

 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

Joshua 1:9

He is always there. You are not alone. You are not a failure. You've suffered an eternal loss that nobody can understand unless they've suffered it too. I want you to know that there are many other people, just like you, going through the same things. 

They have suffered the same loss. 

  Don't despair. 

If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel keep trudging through. Heavenly Father has a plan for you. He will guide you and when you look back at this time of your life you will see the miracles He performed in your behalf.

 Yes, the family that you dreamed of having and maybe even had is gone. That is over.

 Things will never be the same. But ultimately your loss will be repaid.

      

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss.

That which is taken away from those who love the Lord

will be added unto them in His own way.

While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful

will know that every tear today will eventually be

returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

-Joseph B. Wirthlin

  

But, sometimes even the church lacks comforting resources. The teachings that once brought you joy and comfort (ie; eternal families, marriage, etc) sound hollow and can become painful reminders.

Church can sometimes feel totally different and foreign. I remember sitting through fast and testimony meetings. Ward members would get up and thank Heavenly Father for their beautiful spouse or their forever family, etc... I'd sob and go home. 

My daughter came home from Primary crying because they had sung "I'm so glad when Daddy comes Home". 

I was asked if my daughter really could fulfill her Beehive Presidency calling because she is gone every other weekend. 

These things are painful for me......and for my children.

Sigh...

 The list goes on and on. Nobody understands, leaders don't realize, Bishoprics and leaders don't receive special blended family etiquette training, etc. This is because nobody talks about it.

I want to change that.

 If you are remarried life is still hard. Prince or Princess Charming came but now there are a new set of problems. Usually these problems come in the form of new family dynamics....such as his/hers and ours children, the ex husbands and wives, and their new spouses.

New marriages are not perfect. They also have a set of problems. It's an enormous and eternal learning curve. You could deal with jealousy, resentment, competition, and a whole new set of emotions you may not even have known existed. You added more people. You added more possibility for problems.

There are unanswered questions. You need advice. I need advice. 

WE ALL NEED ADVICE.

But most of all, we need ideas. We need each others experiences, heartaches, successes, and joys.

We need each other.

We are allies in the same battle. We are a resource for each other. We need the "what works" and the "what does not work" and the "what DEFINITELY does NOT works".....

 I recently read a book entitled "Trust God No Matter What" by Darla Isackson. In it, there are two chapters that specifically reference divorce. This is her insight:

"Because of what I've experienced in the twenty-some years since (her divorce), I can understand better why the Church is so adamant in its position on avoiding divorce. For the parents and for their children, life after divorce can be full of emotional challenges, likely to dim the glow of special occasions, and less likely to bring joy....

Because of the Atonement there is always hope. The Savior extends hope to everyone - including those of us who found our marital situations unbearable and chose to divorce, whatever the reasons."

 My goal for this blog is to grow knowledge and spread hope. To start a conversation about divorced/blended Mormon families and the issues that we face.

Let's gain strength from each others experiences.

 I am no expert on this subject so my words will not always be the ones that you read on this blog. In fact, I need your help! I want to feature guest writers. Are you someone that could contribute? Would you be willing to share your story and  insight? Do you know someone who is facing these issues? Have you been inspired by someone's story? Please let me know.

 Send me an email at barbhasmail@gmail.com

In Matthew 7:17 we read:

 "What man among you, having a son, and he shall be standing out, and we shall say, Father, open thy house that I may come in and sup with thee, and will not say, Come in, my son"

We don't need to stand outside alone. Come in. Let's do this together. 

-Barb